Local REO Speedwagon fanclub blamed for string of gingerbread house arsons.
Hey now, BM here...no, not Bowel movement, BIG Matt you fools!
I have decided to follow my fellow blogger Teresa's example and step out of the closet and admit something that few know, I enjoy balsa wood gliders. I simply do not find any fault in a quality balsa wood glider. I suppose my obsession began during my senior year in high school. The year was 1997...
I was enrolled in Future Tech 101 and our first project was to construct a balsa wood bridge that would support at least 35 pounds. The idea was to cut, glue, and construct conjoining triangles enabling the bridge to hold maximux weight. Being as I have little mechanical abilities, I more or less "wung it;" my project was a mess of misshapen triangles and ill theorized patterns. It did hold the 35, but that was merely a formality. My hopes of designing the city of the future were buried, until our final project which was to construct a balsa wood plane. I'll spare the needless building of dramatic tension...let's just say that my science geek buddies of Future Tech. '97 coined my final project to be graded by the professor as "Bower's Great Flight." The jocks, however, referred to it as "Flight of the Masterbater," since Masterbater was a nickname I had earned in the gym class shower after accidently body-checking Betty Thurston in a coed floor hockey game.
Anyway, the glider must have caught a jet stream or something because it sailed down the hill and across the practice football field. Needless to say, my professor called it "The best balsa wood glider flight I have ever seen." Yeah, that's right!
So, after battling 5 years of an addiction to sinus decongestants in suppository form, and surviving 3 suicide attempts with a K-Mart price labeling gun, I have bought a brand new balsa wood glider at the local Dollar Store. For those interested, it's the Silver Arrow (plane #3) of the "Air Aces" high-performace glider series by Kidco. According to the package, the Silver Arrow's wingspan is approx. 18 inches. There is also a "choking hazard" posted for those with small children. Apparently large children, possibly those with pituitary disorders, will be okay.
So listen closely jocks, after picking up the shattered pieces of my late teens and early twenties, the Masterbater is about to take flight again. If you can't find me, just look up...
BM
ps- If Betty Thurston is reading this, there is room on this flight for two.
I have decided to follow my fellow blogger Teresa's example and step out of the closet and admit something that few know, I enjoy balsa wood gliders. I simply do not find any fault in a quality balsa wood glider. I suppose my obsession began during my senior year in high school. The year was 1997...
I was enrolled in Future Tech 101 and our first project was to construct a balsa wood bridge that would support at least 35 pounds. The idea was to cut, glue, and construct conjoining triangles enabling the bridge to hold maximux weight. Being as I have little mechanical abilities, I more or less "wung it;" my project was a mess of misshapen triangles and ill theorized patterns. It did hold the 35, but that was merely a formality. My hopes of designing the city of the future were buried, until our final project which was to construct a balsa wood plane. I'll spare the needless building of dramatic tension...let's just say that my science geek buddies of Future Tech. '97 coined my final project to be graded by the professor as "Bower's Great Flight." The jocks, however, referred to it as "Flight of the Masterbater," since Masterbater was a nickname I had earned in the gym class shower after accidently body-checking Betty Thurston in a coed floor hockey game.
Anyway, the glider must have caught a jet stream or something because it sailed down the hill and across the practice football field. Needless to say, my professor called it "The best balsa wood glider flight I have ever seen." Yeah, that's right!
So, after battling 5 years of an addiction to sinus decongestants in suppository form, and surviving 3 suicide attempts with a K-Mart price labeling gun, I have bought a brand new balsa wood glider at the local Dollar Store. For those interested, it's the Silver Arrow (plane #3) of the "Air Aces" high-performace glider series by Kidco. According to the package, the Silver Arrow's wingspan is approx. 18 inches. There is also a "choking hazard" posted for those with small children. Apparently large children, possibly those with pituitary disorders, will be okay.
So listen closely jocks, after picking up the shattered pieces of my late teens and early twenties, the Masterbater is about to take flight again. If you can't find me, just look up...
BM
ps- If Betty Thurston is reading this, there is room on this flight for two.
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