Open Letter to Al Michaels

Dear Al Michaels,

I enjoy Football very much, but I find Monday night to be rather annoying. If it's not Mr. John "captain obvious" Madden it's you calling a Quarter a Period! Football has 4 QUARTERS!!! F-O-U-R. That is why they are quarters. The game is divided into 4 which is a quarter of the whole. Hockey has periods because there are only three and it is stupid to say "the first Third has come to a close" You pretend to know about football so PLEASE CALL THEM QUARTERS!!!!!!! Thank you-period

Sincerely,
Teresa

“Wal-Mart is NOT using Merry Christmas in its marketing. The chain says ‘Happy Holidays’ is sufficient.”

“I am sensing through e-mails and radio calls a growing anger among the nation’s Christians that their holiday is being denigrated by, particularly, stores that want their business over Christmas.”--Bill O'Reilly

I don't mean to get Political/Religious here. But what is wrong with "Happy Holidays?" Even if you are a "Christian," shouldn't you want to include everyone and share this time with them? Isn't it better to say "Happy Holidays" instead of nothing at all?

But the long of short of it is, if Bill O'Reilly can't find something else to talk about on his show...what the hell is wrong with him! Pick up a damn paper. Then lets see if there is time to talk about what Walmart does about the holidays!

But in the spirit of the Holidays. I'll make Bill happy (first time for everything). Here is what every person who deals with the public in their job should say whenever you enter or leave their place of business. And it is what I leave you with at the beginning of this "Holiday" season

"Have a wonderful, happy, Merry and Good Thanksgiving, Advent, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Orthodox Christmas, New Year, Epiphany, Eid al-Adha"

Random Thoughts for November 10th

I am a female. And being a female I tend to use public women's restrooms when I am out in public. What I am noticing more and more is that when I enter a stall there is always a "wet spot" on the seat. I don't get it! It's not like a woman can go-"OOPS! It slipped out of my hand."
I declare a war on wet seats! Be yee female,r be yee male stand up (or sit down) for the rights to have dry seats!
So ladies, you know who you are, sit down on the seat (with paper inbetween you and the seat if you must) and pee inside the toliet and leave the seat for the men! Save public toliets for us all.

Animal Farm Thanksgiving and the Further Hapless Adventures that a Heaping Portion of BM Has While Jockeying for Position on the Foodchain

No need to get up.

First of all, I would like to draw attention to Dave's blog underneath mine. Please read it first. I feel a bit guilty burying a new blog but when I logged on to write I expected to be greeted by something written back in September. Sorry Dave.

Ok, I got the ps out of the way first.

I have been informed that there has recently been a billboard hung off Butler street in Lawrenceville with the caption "Horses are for stables, not for tables." Fine, don't eat horses, gotcha'. But on second thought, why not eat horses? We eat pigs, cows, and chickens. Why not horses? We don't need horses for transportation anymore; the only purpose man has for the horse is to exploit this animal in the gambling arena, or to film an occassional Budwieser commercial. So, what makes the horse special?

We don't eat horses because they are good looking animals and we'd feel guilty taking a bite from a horse burger. If horses were as ugly as chickens, you'd be able to buy a horse thigh at the butcher's. We can eat a steak wrap or a bacon strip without a second thought because pigs roll in mud and cows slobber all over the place.

I think the horse for dinner taboo maintains a smooth transition into the human world. I work in Lawrencville, the home of the horse billboard, and believe you me this neighborhood, about 2 miles from downtown Pittsburgh, is a quasi-slum. Whenever I walk across the street to Starr, the adequatly priced but ridiculously rundown outlet store, for a quart of milk, I can't help but notice how ugly the residents of Lawrenceville are. Now I am no Don Johnson but these people are revolting.

I'm sure there is some major correlation between the why the poor, uglies are huddled together in the ghetto of Lawrencville and the rich, good looking yuppies are stroking each other off in my home neighborhood of Shadyside. For the record, I can't wait to paddle out of the swamp of scarves and mocha lattes of Shadyside when my lease is up.

So I say it's time to sound the dinnerbell and feast on a horse. And while we're at it, let's carve-up some of these Shadyside yuppies and drop them off in Lawrenceville so the cows, chickens, and pigs can have a wholesome meal.

"We'll all go to Heaven in a little rowboat,"
BM